What's a Girl to Do?
Need some good, solid advice about life in general?
This is the place to ask a question and get real answers that you and Mom can trust! Scroll down to submit your question!
Dear Ms.BeenThereDoneThat:
No matter what I do with my hair it never looks real nice I need some advice!!!
Not knowing what your hair looks like, or whether it's curly or straight, it's hard for me to tell you exactly what to do. However, here are a couple of things to consider: First, you need to get a good cut. Look in hair magazines to see what you like. In our book, Mirror, Mirror... go to the section describing face shapes and try to figure out what face shape you have and then try and find a style that fits for you. Sometimes a girl's hair may look limp and drab because of the products such as shampoo, conditioner, or styling aids she is using. A lot of girls in your age group need to use a clarifying shampoo or their hair looks greasy. Also, conditioner can weigh the hair down. Unless you have extremely damaged hair, you do not need a heavy conditioner, just a light detangler if you have long hair, or none at all if you have shorter hair. I recommend using a salon shampoo and conditioner because cheap shampoo contains a lot of balsam which is wax and weighs down the hair. Burt's Bees or Avalon Organics found in drugstores work well too. If you get the right products and a good cut, you should be good to go!
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Dear Ms.BeenThereDoneThat:
What is confirmation?
Anna
Dear Anna,
Confirmation is a Sacrament of the Catholic Church in which your receive the Holy Spirit, just like the disciples did on Pentecost. It enables you to be strong in your faith and to be a soldier for Christ. Any baptized Catholic can receive Confirmation but many dioceses wait until a child is an adolescent. Many graces are given and this Sacrament will help to overcome the temptations you will experience in your teen years. The bishop is the usual minister of Confirmation. He lays his hands on the head and anoints the forehead with holy chrism with the sign of the cross and says, "I sign you with the sing of the cross, and I confirm you with the chrism of salvation in the name of the Father, the Son, and of the Holy Spirit." You will receive the gifts and fruits of the Holy Spirit which you will use the rest of your life.
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Dear Ms.BeenThereDoneThat:
Hello i'm a homeschooler that lives in a town where people consider us "outcast" because we live a different lifestyle. and most of the time i get ignored even if i try waving to people. I only see my friends like 1 or 2 times a week and almost never in the summer. what are some suggestion?!! please help soon.
Need help
Dear Need Help,
I can see why you may feel like an outcast. You are living a different lifestyle by homeschooling but it's not that unusual anymore. Think of the families who started homeschooling even 15 years ago and how they must've felt. Try to focus on the good things and not the bad. You get to see your friends a couple times a week and that's great. Look forward to those times. Ask your mom if you can plan extra things for the weekends if you are lonely. See if you can take advantage of homeschooling study groups or social outings. Offer to help your mom with the work around the house in order to make her load lighter so that it will be easier for her to accommodate things you want to do. Have you tried our message board? If not, you may want to post a message and see what some of the other girls your age have to say.
As for the people who think you are outcasts, don't worry about them. There will always be people who don't like what you do or who you are even if you're not homeschooled. You will find in the Christian life that it isn't always easy, unfortunately. That's why we have to look ahead at the prize, which is Heaven because if we don't, we can get discouraged. Be sure to take advantage of your wonderful friend and companion your guardian angel when you are lonely or discouraged. I hope this helps you. I will keep you in my prayers.
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Dear Ms.BeenThereDoneThat:
I really want to wear makeup and my mom says no except for lip gloss and chap stick because I'm 12 and pretty without it. The only thing is my figure hasn't filled out in certain places and everyone else's has. I feel kind of stupid because some of the other girls are 11! I feel like I look 8 or 9 or 10 instead of twelve. I don't really care about wearing makeup to look nicer, I just don't want to look like a little kid.
Kelli
Dear Kelli,
I can see your concern. Everyone's body changes and developes at different times. There will be girls who start changing when they are 9 and others who don't start until they are 13. I wouldn't want to be mistaken for an eight year old either if I was twelve. Wearing lipgloss will help but you really are too young to wear other makeup. Ask your mom to go shopping with you and get clothing that helps you to look your age. Also, acting like you are twelve instead of eight or nine will also help you to be treated like you are more mature. Other than that, Kelli, I can't really say anymore to help you except, be a little patient with yourself; your time will come! God bless.
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Dear Ms.BeenThereDoneThat:
When you are dating is it okay to kiss
Coleen
Dear Coleen,
I am sure a lot of girls wonder if it is okay to kiss someone they are dating. Remember, dating is a time for two people to get to know each other and have fun together and to prepare for marriage if this is their vocation. Younger people in middle and high school are too young to be in serious relationships. This is difficult to practice in our culture. Hollywood, books and TV all portray young people in romantic relationships with a lot of kissing and other things. This is why we suggest that you do things in groups and don't have exclusive relationships. It is difficult to practice chastity if you have a boyfriend and you are allowed to be alone together a lot of the time. I know it is embarassing at times, but you should be talking to your mom about dating and kissing. Most parents know what is appropriate and will talk to their kids about these things but don't always bring things up. Some parents will say that they don't want their daughter to kiss until she is engaged. Others will say that a kiss at the door when he brings you home is all that should be going on if you have a boyfriend. Just don't go by the example of Hollywood. For example, a nice high school girl from a large Catholic family went to the high school football game with her boyfirend. Her entire family was at the game but they didn't all sit together. As the game ended, her mom saw her kissing her boyfriend at the game. Her mother took the opportunity to talk with her when they got home. The girl didn't know that what she was doing was inappropriate. She told her mom, "I thought that's what you did when you had a boyfriend." The girl had seen this behavior on TV in movies and read it in books and thought this was the way things were. Her mother kindly told her that a kiss at the door was what was appropriate behavior not in public and not so casual. I hope this helps you.
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Dear Ms.BeenThereDoneThat:
I have a friend who's Catholic but she will often read inappropriate things, listen to inappropriate bands, wear inappropriate clothes...the list goes on and on. I really love her as a person, but some of her media choices are so unfortunate. Should I say anything to her? I don't want to hurt her feelings. She's been living like this for her entire life, I don't know if she can change. Like I said, she's a pretty strong Catholic, but I don't think cares what kind of media she's a part of. Any suggestions?
Lynn
Dear Lynn,
I can tell that you really care about your friend. Most of your concerns are things your friend's parents should be handling. They obviously think that she is fine doing what she is doing or they don't want to deal with them. That's not to say that you as her friend can't do something. First of all, you can pray for her. Next, you show by your example what you think is appropriate. There may be times when you can say something to her but you must be very gentle and nonjudgemental. It may be that your friend has never thought of things the way you do and if you gently let her know your opinion she may see what you mean and make a change. However, this is a process and she won't change overnight. Friends can help others more by their thoughtful example and prayers than words at times. Let's say you and your friend are listening to the radio and a song comes on that has a nice beat and melody but the words are bad. You could something like, "I really like this song. Too bad the words are nasty." That's telling her that you noticed the inappropriate lyrics but that you did like the song. She may say she didn't even notice or that she agrees. Anyway, it may be an opening to talk a little. These things are delicate because if you get too preachy you will alienate a friend who really needs someone like you. Most of us don't like our faults pointed out to us and can go the opposite direction if they feel like they are being preached to. I will pray for you and your friend. God bless.
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Dear Ms.BeenThereDoneThat:
I am 13 years old. I do not have Facebook, but a lot of my friends do, and I feel left out a lot when they talk about it and the different things you can do on it, and even a lot of good, catholic things that I want to get involved with say to contact them through Facebook! Because of all this, I want to have it, but first, I do not want to get"addicted" to it, as a lot of people do, and be on the internet checking it constantly. Second, I have heard lots of scary stories about hackers and stalkers on Facebook, and I hear really often that your information is not safe. I do not want my information "out there" if this is true. How safe is Facebook,And should I join so that I am included, or not join, but feel left out?
Maryrose
Dear Maryrose,
I can see where you feel left out because you are not on Facebook. Yes, there are a lot of organizations that use Facebook, including Catholic, but you can check them out without Facebook on the internet. FB can be addicting for kids because they can be in touch with all their friends at once at any time. It's not that you would want to get addicted but it is very easy to want to check FB all the time. There are instances where kids have been stalked but there are parental controls and ways to be safe. Getting a FB account is something you need to discuss with your parents. In our family we found that 13 was too young and waited for high school. In some ways we don't even like this because kids spend so much time interacting this way with their friends, it takes time and effort for the parents to follow up and pay attention to what is going on on FB, and kids typically don't like their parents checking up on them so it can cause some tension in the family. That's not to say that this is the case for all families. If your parents think this would be something good for you to have, it is up to them to monitor it and keep you safe and balanced. Your parents will need to set up some guidelines and keep tabs on your FB page if you do set up an account. So, talk to mom and dad and discuss what is best for you and your family regarding FB. I hope this helps. God bless.
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Dear Ms.BeenThereDoneThat:
You mentioned in you're book "Mirror mirror on the wall ...." that many girls during pms will experience food cravings. (I'm one of them. And i was wondering if i should indulge in my food cravings. Usually i don't; Its to late,we don't have it, or,my mom says no. But it does make the craving go away.
Isabella
Dear Isabella,
Good question. If you can, don't give in to your cravings. What can happen if you do is that you'll satisfy the "salty" craving (or whatever craving you had) but then a new "sweet" or other craving may start. Then a girl can find herself on an unending binge. Some women have found that taking a good mulitvitamin daily such as Optivite (have mom do an online search or ask your pharmacist) that cravings don't bother them anymore. I hope this helps.
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Dear Ms.BeenThereDoneThat:
What are the most important things I need to no about babysitting?
Anna
Dear Anna,
First, you need to have emergency numbers and the parents' cell phone number or a number they can be reached. You also need to know how to take care of the basic needs of the children such as feeding them, cleaning them up, and diapering them if needed. Kids love it when the babysitters play with them and entertain them. If you have taken the babysitting class you will learn how to help a child if they are choking and other first aid. Remember that your first priority it to take care of the children and then to have the house picked up before the parents get home. You really should take the babysitting classes offered at your local hospitals and YMCA. Good luck!
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Hey Girls,
We have been getting a lot of emails from girls asking personal questions about their body changes and getting their period. Instead of posting all the emails, we have decided to give some general answers. We hope this helps all of our members and visitors.
Girls, it is normal for you to feel very emotional at your age. One minute you may be laughing and the next crying. You may feel super angry over something really insignigicant. Lots of girls feel edgy and irritable. This is because you are entering or already in a stage in your life called puberty. This stage transforms you from a little girl into a woman. Chemicals in your body called hormones are causing this transformation and also cause some girls to experience an emotional roller coaster. If you find you are having a lot of emotions, talk to your mom about getting you on a good multivitamin and some extra B vitamins. Some girls find that this helps take the edge off their emotional swings. Make sure you get enough sleep and exercise as well.
Sometimes moms won't seem to notice some of your changes because they may seem to happen over night and mom didn't get a chance to talk to you about shaving or hygiene. If you find that this has happened to you, go to mom in private and talk to her. She will want to help you or get you the things you need. It does seem embarassing but that's what moms are for! Also, she was once a girl your age and she understands that your changes may be embarassing to you.
Getting your period is so very personal but don't be embarassed or afraid to go to your mom. She really wants to be there for you because this is a special time in your life. As moms, we can't stress enough that we moms want you to come to us with anything.
God bless, girls!
Send your questions to: Ms.BeenThereDoneThat,
What’s a Girl to Do?
All advice is given by real life moms of girls and not licensed professionals.
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Talk about moodiness...
Hi Girls,
We've had a lot of questions lately and talk on the Message Board about moodiness. Yes, this is one of the things girls go through at your age. I remember being miserable crying one minute, being irrate, and laughing all in a matter or minutes. A lot of this is due to your hormones that are transforming you into a woman. If you track your moodiness you may find that it gets worse a week or so before your period. If you haven't had your first period yet, you may experience moodiness all the time. If you know when you are going to get your period and expect to feel an emotional roller coaster you may be able to handle things better. For example, if you get your feelings hurt easily by something a friend says to you, take a look at the calendar and see where you are in your cycle. You can tell yourself, "I feel sensitive now because of PMS." Also, I can't stress enough to have you talk to your moms about getting you on a good multivitimin and extra B vitamins. It really does help. There are supplements made just for girls and women. One that has worked well for us is Optivite. It can be ordered online or special ordered through your pharmacy.
It is also important to ask your family for alone time so you can try and pray and reflect. Sometimes, when you are moody being alone helps. Talk to your mom about it so she can anticipate your PMS and help you cope. Taking a bath or shower helps to relax you too. If you find that you blow up easily, try some anger management techniques such as taking deep breaths and counting to ten or squeezing a ball. Go to your room and punch it out on your pillow. Write in your journal. Take a walk, run or bike ride if you can. Make sure you get plenty of sleep and take a short nap if you need it. Ask Our Lady to help you deal with your emotions and talk to your mom, even though she may irritate you at times, she really does want to understand you and help you. It can be hard to deal with moodiness and you may feel guilty because find yourself lashing out against your family. Apologize when you need to and go to confession regularly to help you do better. This phase in life does pass and get easier, I promise. God bless and keep rockin'!
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Talk about boys...
Hi Girls!
We are receiving many emails concerning dating and boys. In an attempt to save space, we will answer a lot of your questions in this posting.
Many of our members and readers are asking when is it a good age to start dating, holding hands and kissing boys. Many girls writing in asking these questions are between the ages of 9 and 12. The first point we want to make is that many of your questions need to be addressed to your parents. We are here to give advice but not to take the place of moms and dads and their opinions on things. We understand that some questions about boys and crushes may be embarassing to bring up to your parents, but in the end no matter what advice or comments we give you, they are the ones who will be deciding what is best for you and when you can date or otherwise interact with boys. So, no matter what opinion or advice we give on any given matter, it can and should be overidden by your parents as they see fit. We are here to encourage you to have conversations with your moms about the things you ask us.
So, with that being pointed out, girls, let's start with the question of dating and when it is appropriate to date. This is definitely a question that you need to discuss with your parents before you even like someone. It will be easier too to talk about this with your mom if you bring it up before you have a crush on someone. As we have pointed out before, dating is something that prepares you for marriage. Unlike the movies and novels girls like to watch and read, dating isn't merely a form of entertainment. It should be a way getting to know someone so that you can discern if he is marriage material. So, with this purpose in mind, it would seem that young girls and teens would not really need to be dating, right? This is not an easy way to see dating in this culture. Girls long for a special boy to like them and they want romance. While it is natural for you to be noticing boys and to be attracted to them it is not always healthy to engage in exclusive, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships until you are older. That doesn't mean that you can't go out on dates if your parents approve or that you can't like someone you find special. It just means that hooking up and spending a lot of alone time with one boy is not a good idea. It really makes living purity difficult. What we consider appropriate for our daughters and sons concerning dating may be too loose or too strict for what your family thinks. This is a very subjective subject and it can also vary from child to child within the same family. This is why we strongly encourage you to talk to your parents about what they think is okay for you and your siblings concerning dating.
Here are a few guidelines or rules, we generally go by when it comes to dating at the middle school age:
- Dating or meeting up with boys prior to high school is way too young.
- Holding hands or kissing boys in middle school is not appropriate.
- Girls should not be asking boys to "go with them."
- Participate in church and school activities with boys and girls.
- It is important to form friendships with boys. Therapists and psychiatrists state that girls who are "boy crazy" at a young age are girls who do not know how to interact with boys on a friendship level.
- Consider yourself lucky if you have brothers to interact with because your relationship with them can teach you a lot about boys and how they think and act. (Yes, I know they can be annoying, but brothers are good to have!)
Read below Ms.BeenThereDoneThat's
answers to your questions!
